Journeys of Jackman ..The wanderings, musings, learning and thoughts from one man who woke up

Freedom to Think

The Great Shift

My Thanks once more to Al Turtle. This piece of his thinking whilst unfinished seems to me the bit of learning I have been looking for and so here it is unabridged so that I may refer and make the simple decision to grow. Actually I kind of think of it as finished, tis the job of ma as the reader to finish what Al has perhaps astutely begun...

Or in simpler terms how I learned it is possible to go from this... to this ...

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The following titles are Al's incomplete bit, for a little fun I have inserted my best guess at what he might write....

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Shift from Dreaming to Waking mode.

In dreaming mode it is easy to hold on to a fantasy version of both your partner and yourself. A fantasy version which most often allows you to hold them responsible for the universe, to 'blame' them for all your pain, to distance yourself from recognising (waking up) to the fact that nothing will mend until you can take the lead and mend yourself. In dreaming mode you will journey from foggy cotton wool joy 'Romantic Love' to extreme self hurt and pain 'The power struggle, and eternal disappointment of both partners never livin g up to the fantasy version, to your perfect ever changing plan for the universe'

Waking mode is also easy to see, at least for those that are awake. It is an acceptance that both you and your partner are filled with work to do in order to recover from the infant world that made you. It is filled with an acceptance of your partners imperfections, indeed an opportunity to see them as a gift to you to help you learn and grow past your own. It is filled with the absolute likelyhood of 'differences' and an acceptance and validation of every single one of those differences. Indeed as Al wrote elsewhere, an awake person will vigorously defend anyones right to those differences, despite not agreeing with them

Waking mode appears harder to see for those still in sleeping mode. Frankly they don't want to see it, or even the possibility of it, and so the 'fantasy' appears to deny the possibilty, People in dreaming mode often 'don't like/cannot understand' people that are awake.

Waking mode is the position from where, with dilligence, you can walk open eyed toward, and into, vintage love. A place charatcterized by a gentle surety in both yourself and your partner. A place where you don't need to forgive (forgiveness is a kind of way of letting people off not being your version of them), instead you 'support and embrace' the rightness of them being who they are, and you being who you are.....

If life is a journey as so many of the 'wise' tell us

Then dreaming mode takes place in bed, under the quilt or blankets, and though you may dreaming you are traveling far and fast you are truly going nowhere

Only 'awake' can you truly move around, and though weather and terrain may for a time slow you, in the end you are only 'awake' able to move forward
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Shift from Receiving mode to Giving mode, from Consuming to Producing

Spending money, expecting support from those around us, from family, to work mates, to friends, to society, consuming in all of it's forms.....from shopping to using up the world's valuable resources, materialism, taking and not giving, demanding a version of life based wholly on the vigorous 'child' demands of your imagination. This I think of as 'receiving mode', as four year old child mode

One of the great rewards of waking up in general, and in my experience one of the ways to actually wake up is to make a concious decision to switch over to 'giving' mode

Giving mode invites nurture and creativity back in to your life

Giving mode comes with a feel good factor

Giving mode allows you to 'concsiously sign up' to helping not just yourself, but your partner (indeed anyone you choose. The constant here is that you get to choose

Giving removes the sense of 'wasting' so prevalent in that other mode

Giving/Producing helps you to find/recover your 'unique purpose' that version of producing that most perfectly fits your traits, and so gives you the greatest sense of reward for, well for just being you....
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Shift from Self-destruction to Self-construction mode

Well this seems to me all about waking up to those old habits that lead you into the same patterns over and over, and results in the 'victim/child' inside of you crying loudly that it must be sopmone elses fault. This seems to me a self destructive behaviour born out of infancy when it was ok to expect your carers to provide for your needs. Of course they often didn't, and so we become comfortable with these various 'sneaky' means we learned back then to try and get those needs met - They don't work, and seek only to keep you in that place where crying 'foul' and whining lead to a steady deterioration in your progress forward

Self realisation comes from an acceptance that the work needs to be done on you. It atkes only one to lead and others will follow, and so it is by looking at yourself and begining to dismiss and replace these age old patterns, so you can cpnstruct/program a new you. As Al has written elsewhere though, this needs to be demonstrable, 95% is in the action, only 5% in the learning or realisation. It is not enough to pay lip service. Self construction is a 'doing it' programme

And if you do, then the blaming quickly goes away, and what you give to the univers it will reward you in return twice over, so get to it!

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Shift from “Complaining know-it-all” to Student mode and Critical/Judgemental to Curious Interviewing mode

Most especially important for the clingers out there who like me have fwelt comforted by the safety of their own voice. I write in a numebr of places something like 're-assured by the safe coral of my rightness'....Poppycock!

When we think we know it all, we complain as soon as the universe does not line everything up exactly as we plan it in our heads. We complain as soon as other people behave unpredicatbly, that is to say not how our mind suggests that they should.

Remember the maxim 'ALL PEOPLE MAKE SENSE ALL THE TIME'

Student mode is all about becoming curious about that sense. Validating that you can see what ever someone says or does makes sense to them, and allow your enquiring mind to gently seek an understanding of what that sense is, and where that sense is taking that other.

This is where the key skills of 'listening', 'miroring', 'pre validating and validating' will take you far

Forget the complaining and know it all, and be avid and curious
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My best guesses at the kind of wisdom Al might share, mind you I did ask him to finish this if time and will allowed so fingers crossed I guess!!